It may look like a real car, but notice the size of the driver.
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They say that bigger is better — but in the world of spies, smaller is better.
This post isn’t about spies, but it is about being sneaky.
It is about cars which were so small, they were not small cars — they were microcars. But still large enough for you to sit inside and drive them.
If you enjoy Communist acronyms and euphemisms, here is one for you: the Council for Mutual Economic Assistance (COMECON). During the bad old days of the Soviet Union, Joseph Stalin and his army of Soviet central planners and secret policemen wanted to shackle together the national economies of Eastern Europe — East Germany, Czechoslovakia, Poland, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, and of course the Soviet Union too — to create one big fat supra-national Communist economy under Moscow’s central control.
Everybody in COMECON was equal, except that the Soviets were more equal. While the East Germans were busy churning out Trabants with industrially effervescent engines, the Hungarians wanted to produce their own, Hungarian cars. “Nyet!” the Soviets decreed. “It is not in our COMECON plan, Comrades! Hungary shall not produce automobiles! It is prohibited!”
Drat. So much for that idea. But what is the difference between the prohibited and the possible?
A loophole.
“A loophole? You Hungarians want a loophole? Alright, Comrades, if you can invent something that looks like a car, sounds like a car, and drives like a car — but isn’t a car — then go ahead. And if you come up with a car, you can drive it all the way to Siberia. One way.”
So guess what? The Hungarians invented something that looked like a car, sounded like a car, and even drove like a car, but wasn’t a car. Why? Because it was too small to be a car — a truism even the Soviet bureaucrats had to admit.
The Hungarians called it the microcar. The pictures below exhibit these marvels of how Hungarian ingenuity outsmarted the Communist bureaucrats.
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The Festival! Same car as above. Interesting sun-roof. Hopefully it never gets stuck.
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The Festival from the front.
“Comrade, it looks awfully American.”
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The Balaton! Perfect for the nuclear family.
Especially the sliding doors.
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And it’s a convertible!
Were the kids allowed to drive?
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The Pajtas! For some reason Grandma doesn’t look impressed.
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Worried about motorcycle safety? How about some armor plating?
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The Alba Regia! Exhibited at the cutting edge of Communist advertising!
There’s even room for the flowers.
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Who says manly men need fancy cars?
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Eat your heart out, Lamborghini!
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The Tunde!
And if you think that’s small…
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The Shoe!
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Microcars on parade! Just don’t blink!
Respectfully (because all my readers deserve respect),
Reginald Dipwipple
Secret Agent Extraordinaire
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“Hey, Darling, how would you like to ride in a real car?”
“Sure. But only with a real man. Until then, I’ll find a parking space before you do.”
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Thirty years later, the Hungarians were still producing microcars. From 1986, this is the Puli.